To Never

To never hear his voice again
To never see all my boys grow into men
To never see him laugh or sit with me with a smile
To never sit and talk with him for a short while

To never feel his touch again
To never hold his hand until a day ends
I sit here and hate the fact that he died in pain
Yet in death his pain ended then into my life it became

Losing a loved one is one of the most intense experiences to explain
Changes who you are, how you live, how you feel joy and the sting when it rains
My days are filled with Hurt, anxiety, franticness, anger and depression
Happiness comes but appears to be short lived as I am still a victim of a sorrowful oppression

Sometimes I wonder if the wave of grief will kill me
This suffocating pain that comes back constantly to taunt me
These days as a society we unite to celebrate
For me such days just makes my heart painfully vibrate

For every holiday, celebration and focus that starts with Happy
For me and mine is just another day to remember our misery
Kind ,messages, Kind words, People checking up and checking in
I cannot even pretend to be fine for the sadness sits within my grin.

Hello madness goodbye joy a book written by me Rachel Webb following the tragic murder of my 15 year old son Kyron Webb. The novel is available now on Amazon.

Finding the phoenix. Follow me on my journey towards healing and forgiveness

New book out now click link below and share the good news

You have read about the tragic passing of Kyron. You have heard my tears, my anguish, seen my raw pain and struggles. Now I want to take you on my journey towards healing and forgiveness.

Click the link to get your copy of my new book Finding the phoenix. I chose this name as I was determined to rise. I have found my fire, I have found my passion from the darkest ashes of grief i would like you to rise with me.

This is the 1st of a 5 book series. It’s a compilation of my blog extracts along with 100 unpulished pieces.
It’s only £6.99 and it’s out now. Thank you for your continued support.

Special thanks to marion Evan’s, Cassandra Porter and Rachel Rose MSc. Without your hard work, zeal, commitment and determination none of this would have been possible.

Please also help me and share


Check this out: Finding the Phoenix: A journey towards healing and forgivenes…


Are we racist?
(dictionary and google definitions have been used in this post)

prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race
A dictionary definition based on the belief that one’s own race is superior and that another race is insubordinate and deserves less grace
Institutional racism is a form of racism expressed in the practice of social and political institutions.
It is reflected in disparities regarding wealth, income, criminal justice, employment, housing and how such institutes form their conclusions

Healthcare, political power and education, among other factors is there an indifference in treatment and recruitment because of colour?
Because my children are non white does this make it right that their skin colour alone is enough to trigger disruption, injustice, mistreatment and murder.

We all form stereotypes, prejudices and bias. This in itself is called racial discrimination and is formed from racial indifferences.
Imbalanced treatment legally, in schools and at work, profiling due to misconceptions and lack of information, disproportionately measured against others in the same occurrences
Racial discrimination may occur because of overt prejudice, hostility or negative feelings held by someone about a race or group
Refused a job or apartment, simply because of overt biases towards a person based on race related grounds your stirred in a generalised soup

Have you heard “All black people look the same, black people are always angry, angry black woman and black people are so aggressive or loud.
All black people do is kill each other, black people are thugs, they make trouble, where I live non black families use the N word frequently and they say it proud
Muslims are often now all seen as terrorists, Blacks murderers enforcing knife and gun crime. Negative stereotypes formed about my race, colour, ethnicity, and ancestry.
What is it about our beauty, strength, charisma, energy and power that causes my people to be feared throughout differing centuries

I see it as fear, for the effort it takes to divide, kill, maim, oppress, enslave, destroy and break my people, only for our beauty to be acknowledged in another race,
shows me you know just how majestic and powerful we are for you shape your bodies to look like ours and use fillers to have my shaped lips on your face
Religious views or place of origin causes people to feel their safety is now compromised rather than basing fear on reasonable suspicion
How many children have been sexually exploited and abused in non black churches not throwing shade I am just saying.

To single out an individual for greater scrutiny or different treatment simply because they are from a community of colour
Is wrong, it’s racism, its racial discrimination this is what causes the police to get away with unlawful murder
We see how our children are placed at a disadvantage in education, healthcare, the justice system, housing and organisations due to institutionalised racism
We say how can this be in 2020? racism is something of the past, get over it black people it no longer exists in the current world we live in.

Carry out research on patterns of behaviour, do white and non white individuals receive the same sentence for the same crime
Look within your organisation is there equality within senior management roles or is your organisational structure like mine.
Reflect on your narrative is your “friend” a bitch or do you and non coloured friends insist on placing Black before you say friend.
We are all human I often say, but deep down do you see yourself as equal, the same, no difference or are black and brown folk still classed as” them”.

Does hearing a black person cite racism cause you to become frustrated or uncomfortable, do you analyse their actions trying to seek additional fault?
I often hear It’s an excuse from a lazy community, pulling the race card is an excuse, a get out clause these people have been taught
In previous work places I have experienced subtle forms of racial discrimination.
I have been severely reprimanded and sanctioned when my white counter part has been praised and promoted for the exact same situation

The lower ranks of employment were predominantly filled with staff of colour
Yet promotion for these staff was capped as senior roles were only given to one race and no other
Some may say maybe it’s their skill, expertise, knowledge, hard work and determination that helped them get the job over you.
Then your work load shifts, I was given more responsibility which they then took credit for. My mind saw racial discrimination their actions made it true.

As black people can we be racist, do we display hatred and discrimination towards another race
We do not kill like the police but does that mean the blood of discrimination does not trickle on our hands and face.

As black people do we unify as a community and stand together, united to tear down the walls?
Educate ourselves and take on higher ranking roles to continue our fight, for we are proud of our black skin proud and tall?
As a black person having white friends or a white partner does this mean I am not with you and do not fight the fight?
To be a radicalised black person fighting against racism does this mean we must hate anything and anyone that is white?

Hello madness goodbye joy a book written by me Rachel Webb following the tragic murder of my 15 year old son Kyron Webb. The novel is available now on Amazon. Click the link below to purchase your copy today. Thanks for your support.

No Mother

No mother wants to hear those words “your sons been stabbed and he has died”
No mother wants to be denied of the truth because someone has lied
No mother wants to hear the words that justice will not prevail
No mother wants to imagine that murder could be a part of her life’s tale

No mother wants to see a pair of trainers, knowing her sons dying body fills those shoes
Knowing the other trainers belong to his friend, he does nothing and there is nothing you can do
No mother wants to watch the CCTV footage of those last horrible moments of their child’s life
Tortured by the thoughts of what did he say, what did he feel, did he call for me as he was wounded by the knife

No mother wants to bury her child and then hear freedom to a murderer is what justice gives
It’s hard enough excepting your child is dead while their murderer is free and lives
No mother wants to hear the character of her beloved child ridiculed and defamed
Denied a chance in court to speak of his goodness and achievements he has gained

No mother wants to see their child in the ground or on the shelf in an urn
As she approaches the 1st anniversary the murderer will be freed she learns
No mother wants to face court alone to hear a story so devastating and bleak
No mother wants be alone fighting a system when justice is all she seeks

No mother wants to hear that her son carried a knife and that is why he died
Something deep in her heart she knows to be a lie
No mother wants to walk as a corpse while smiling for each day to get through
Waking to fight, seeking the truth then denied her case review

No mother wants to live in this torture murdered daily by systematic failings and the lack of justice
I know a mother that did, following the death of her son Yousef this is how Debbi Makki lived
Yousef was murdered March 2019, his murderer was acquitted on self defence

He served 215 days in prison but nothing for the murder or manslaughter offence
Its said the murderer won the case as he is from an affluent background with a lot of money
Does this warrant the truth and justice denied to this family
Debbie fort tirelessly for justice, many tears in her bid she cried
May 24th 2020 from a broken heart and not seeing Justice Debbie Makki died

R.I.E.P Debbie Makki

Hello madness goodbye joy a book written by me Rachel Webb following the tragic murder of my 15 year old son Kyron Webb. The novel is available now on Amazon. Click the link below to purchase your copy today. Thanks for your support.

My boy

I am so proud

It was the 21st April 2018 the tears for your brother had not dried.

A text appeared on my phone, there’s been an accident immediately I cried.

Unable to catch my breath i took a seat as the words spun around in my head.

Someone had hurt another child, it involved a blade, angry words you bled.

My life at that moment crumbled I felt hopeless I could not keep you safe.

Just wanted to end my life, just wanted to leave this space.

I looked at your eyes, I worried about the conversations you were having in your mind.

Scared I had lost you, not to death but rage as you began to unwind.

Your silence was unnerving, your night time tears broke me more.

While the world thought you were falling, a fire was preparing you to soar.

Like me you turned to writing and your secrets you penned in a song.

How could I have ever doubted that a love like you could go wrong.

My 1st born solider instead of crying you wiped my tears.

My 1st born warrior instead of breaking you soothed my fears.

My gifted baby instead of seeing your needs you focused on mine.

You held me up and comforted those nights I sobbed drunk on wine.

My son Ricardo Webb I am so proud to call you my boy.

You have grown into a proud, strong man. You are the centre of my joy.

A role model for the younger ones with aspirations that will take you far.

You always knew the skills and tools you held one day would define who you are.

Now your a man with a child of your own I sit here beaming with pride.

Your music I dont understand half the words but I jump on every ride.

If nothing more you take from this but the glow of a mothers pride.

My sweet boy I love you so much I give thanks you stand by my side.

In closing I hope that I make you proud and your honoured to call me your mum.

For you I can honestly say I am proud that you are my son.

Hello madness goodbye joy a book written by me Rachel Webb following the tragic murder of my 15 year old son Kyron Webb. The novel is available now on Amazon. Click the link below to purchase your copy today. Thanks for your support.